Grievances of a Two-year-old

March 2014

Milo is now two-and-a-half and has decided it is high time he start airing some of his grievances. Here are just a few of the ways in which we are failing him:

1. I refuse to allow him to throw Duncan’s aluminum water bottle out a second story window.

2. He has never been to a playground with elephants. He has never gotten to ride on an elephant. We do not have a pet elephant. (In sum, there are far too few elephants in his daily life. Stuffed and invisible ones do NOT count.)

3. Daddy failed to cut his yogurt “into pieces”.

4. When he stood up at the breakfast table and began to urinate on his brothers, I interrupted him before he was finished.

5. Brushing teeth is stupid.

6. Shoes are entirely beside the point.

7. Actually, ice cream IS a breakfast food.

8. He should be allowed to remove his pants in the hardware store. Don’t I understand they are making his penis “sad”?

9. My face is a pillow. It is inconsiderate for me to say otherwise, especially in the middle of the night when he is trying to get some sleep.

Any thoughts to add?